Still single: Why aren’t you dating yet?

still single? Why aren't you dating yet?

With the New Year, we see Christian singles seeking new relationships and their worries about running out of time to find that special someone. Dr. Jim explains that everything is in God’s hand and we should gear down and look at what is the best approach to seeking our future spouse.


Dear Jim: What is your hurry?

Time is an element of this world. The first ‘click’ of the clock was set into motion by God, and He will be the one to step in and stop the pendulum from swinging. Time totally controls our world, but time is not present in Heaven!

The Bible shares with us that, among other attributes, God is Omniscient (all knowing). Since He is not controlled by time, He knows everything at once. For us, we have to describe this as past, present, and future. God does not have a past, present and future – He IS, or as He stated it ‘I AM’.

I believe having a proper understanding of time would be very helpful to anyone, but especially to Single Adults. So much time is spent in seeking ‘companionship’ with others – when in the true perspective of things, our time on this earth is such a small part of the eternity we will spend in Heaven. There we will be elevated to live like the Angels. (Matthew 22:30)

In relating to older Single Adults, there is the tendency to think that ‘our clock’ is running out of time. If we are not married by a certain age, have not found someone by another age, etc. – we seem to allow out thoughts to form negative conclusions and create fear. Now I do not think that wanting companionship or even a mate is a wrong desire to have. We are created with many drives, and the drive to belong is one of the strongest. It is placing false expectations on ourselves that concerns me.

Society/culture places heavy expectations on Single Adults:

If we are not dating, society cast an impression that there is something lacking in us.
If we are not married by a certain age, family and friends too often ask what is wrong?  Questions such as: Still Single?  Why aren’t you dating yet?

Men, focusing on their own needs, (please see our article on what men and women want) often place expectations on women that are not realistic and considerate of time. Example: Men dating women in their 40’s and above often ask the woman IF she is interested in having children OR more children. Men need to understand that women may desire to have children at an older age (or not), but they are very likely not able to do so.

If we are dating, people will begin to ask us why we are not marrying now?

Step back and think about time

I invite you to take a step back and think about ‘time’. What is your hurry? The biggest contributor to repeated cycles of poor choices and pain in Single Adults lives is the fact that they are in such a hurry to get somewhere that they neglect to take the proper route and mature the process.

Time is eternal for Christians. Please build and keep a healthy, Godly perspective on how you approach your time AND the time of those around you.

Jim

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1 comment on “Still single: Why aren’t you dating yet?Add yours →

  1. At family gatherings, one of my cousins used to keep asking me if I was dating anyone at all. When I did not give an affirmative answer, she would start criticizing me, even though I was working at a job that did not permit me to have an active social life. It upset me greatly because I felt like I was abnormal, not meeting other peoples’ expectations. When I told her off, she finally quit asking me.

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