When looking for love online, Christian singles can become desperate to find their match, which can become obvious to prospective partners to keep away from them. What is the correct approach for singles to be successful in their search for a life partner? Dr. Jim gives some insight on how to go about looking for love on a dating website.
Do women/men see you as desperate when looking for love?
The following words were received from a single adult:
‘I’m surprised at how many men can be so desperate to find a woman (I can’t speak of women’s desperation because I’m not being chased by women). Most seem to be hoping to find a woman to fill a void within themselves that only Christ can fill…the lover of our souls.’
Men – how do women relate to your behavior? Do you realize that your words and behavior are huge signs that you are putting out to women you meet?
Women – what is driving your behavior? Are you dealing with a ‘force’ that is driving you to find a mate, to find love?
There are ‘natural’ forces within us that compel us to find love, companionship, and often a mate. God created these drives and they are certainly a part of our inner being. However, when we do not keep discipline in our lives, these forces develop their own self-serving appetites that demand feeding.
If you find yourself dealing with this force (or forces), I encourage you to take some time to step back from dating. Such behavior often leads to devastating results for all parties involved.
Think you are old enough to know what is best for you? If you are tackling dating without an accountability group, you are begging for trouble. You will not arrive at the desired destination, but will realize a big dose of the very pain and loneliness that your are rushing to replace.
Please consider the following if you find this force controlling you:
- Only Christ can fully ‘satisfy’ your innermost needs.
- Find 1 or 2 Christians of the same gender and form an accountability group. They can be a great resource and counsel for you. The intimacy that comes from ‘buddies’ satisfies many of the longings that we have.
- Consider seeing a Christian counsellor. Every counsellor I know states that one should become as healthy as possible before entertaining dating. The void you are hurrying to fill is likely a ‘bomb’ in disguise. A counsellor can help you dismantle the bomb before it explodes in your life, and perhaps the life of another who does not deserve it.
May God’s Spirit speak to you in His loving and compelling way, guiding you to discern what it is best for you.
Author of “Guide to Successful Online Christian Dating”