Dear Jim: How does God describe what sex is?
Singles have wrestled with this question, in one form or another, since the beginning of time, I suspect. In another article, I have shared ‘why does God say not to have sex outside of marriage? (You can find this earlier article here: Sex Outside Marriage.
I often receive emails asking just how far can one go before it becomes sex outside of marriage?
Let’s begin with what Christ shared when He was on earth. Matthew 5:27-28 states the following:
‘You have heard that it was said, Thou shall not commit adultery: but I say unto you, that every one that looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.’
Let me provide my definition of what sex is.
- Sex is any thought or activity that is done with the intent to create sexual excitement/arousal.
- This does vary from person to person, and what might be ‘sin’ for one person, is not necessarily for another.
- It is normal, in my opinion, to have sexual thoughts come up during our normal activity. These thoughts are not improper in them selves. It is when we chose to dwell on these thoughts and develop the arousal that it becomes a sexual activity outside of marriage.
Some find kissing to be a way to share feelings without letting it be so passionate that it creates a sexual excitement. Another person may be so sensitive in this area that they cannot stop with a kiss. If it serves as a propellant to their system sending them into a sexual arousal, it definitely is sex.
Many try to define sex outside of marriage as only relating to the act of intercourse. They would like for it to NOT include foreplay. This type of thinking surely must be akin to anyone with an addiction thinking that they can just take a little and can keep it under control.
The wonderful gift provided by God for marriage.
Sex is a wonderful gift provided by God for marriage. Yes, it is very challenging to restrict it to marriage – especially for so many who have been married before. However, God is the creator of everything about us, including our sex drive. He is the one who instructs us not to have sex outside of marriage. (In the Bible it is called fornication).
1 Corinthians 6:18 ‘Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that commits fornication sins against his own body.’
Movies, television, magazines, etc. scream out to us that having sex is ‘normal’, and everyone does it. My dear single friends, this is the way of the world. God tells us that as His children, we are not to be a part of the world. Romans 12:2 tells us to not take on the form of this world.
It is very important that you embrace the best that God has for you. Again, please read my earlier article ‘Why does God say not to have sex outside of marriage?’ HERE Sex Outside Marriage for a more detailed sharing on this topic. It is also suggested that you take the steps that I outlined in another article ‘How do I stop having sex outside of marriage?’ that you can find here: How do I stop having sex outside of marriage?
You are a very precious, rare jewel in God’s eyes and in the eyes of your future spouse. Discipline yourself for the race and run it to win!