The Will of God in Relationships

Will of God - in Relationships

Dr. Jim discusses confusion over God bringing someone into one’s life. How do you know what is the Will of God when in a relationship?


Sometimes I receive a number of emails in a relatively short time that contain a recurring theme. Such is the case with many recent emails received.

Why would God bring someone into your life but it not work out?

The scenario is presented that the person is totally sure that God brought a certain person into their lives, BUT. Then follows a variety of descriptions of why it is not working out. They are confused as to why God would bring someone into their life and then it not work out. It is a painful experience and gives rise to many doubts.

God works in many different ways. He does NOT check with me in how He can or should work. While there may be a variety of ways for Him to work in our lives, there are some things that jump out when I read many of these emails.

Desires getting ahead of reality

With sensitivity, I am led to share that in most of the cases presented to me it appears to be a case of someone’s desires getting ahead of reality. God is supernatural but He works with us in the natural. He can and does touch our lives to bring us into healthy connections. It is when we rush ahead of Him that we invite trouble.

What to look for in a Christian Relationship according to the will of God.

Internet dating contributes to this occurrence often. Just from looking at a picture and profile, exchanging a few emails or phone calls, and before they actually meet – the emotions race ahead to ‘assuming’ that this is the one that God called for their mate. Either God is making a LOT of mistakes (NOT), or people are jumping to the wrong assumption.

Allow time of confirmation

I invite you to consider one important premise about knowing God’s will that has helped me immensely. When one believes that God is moving or bringing someone or something to happen, it is very important to allow a time of confirmation. This confirmation can come from many sources, but must not be out of a ‘feeling.’ I say this because one already has the ‘feelings’ or they would not be giving it consideration.

Confirmation: From where?

The confirmations that I am speaking of can come by:

  • Sharing what is going on with a mature Christian and invite their prayers and input.
  • Considering God’s principles and how they are applying to this situation. God does not contradict Himself! Ever!! God will not lead someone into your life to be your mate if they are still married OR still going through a divorce. In my own opinion, I do not believe that He would lead someone to be a mate if they have not had ample time to reconcile themselves to God and restore health into their emotions, mind, and spirit.
  • Taking your time. Time confirms many things. Continue to develop the relationship and ask God to surface anything that is positive, or negative, about the relationship that you need to know. There are many who rush to marriage after only 1 to 6 months of a relationship. God can work in these situations but it handicaps Him and the couple to rush.
  • Asking God’s Spirit to provide the way that God wants you to use to receive confirmation.

God does care about all His children, their needs and desires. So many find out the hard way that what they perceived was God’s leading turned out to be nothing more than a great package and strong desires.

Allow a relationship to mature

Time IS your ally and not your enemy. Please believe me when I say that it is far better to take some time to mature and confirm a relationship than to marry and find out it was a mistake. We love our ‘instant’ society but this is NOT the place to practice it.

I am asking the Lord to guide and bless you in your relationships according to God’s will.

Dr. Jim

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12 comments on “The Will of God in RelationshipsAdd yours →

  1. God’s blessings to you and your’s Dr. Jim!
    I am a long time member of Chrisitan Cafe (almost 15 years I think). I can relate very well to this article and advice. I became engage to two different ladies I met here on Cafe sevral years apart. Both times we got out ahead of our all-wise Father God! Looking back I clearly see His wisdom in ending both engagments before they got to the alter. Following is something I have found helpful in waiting on Poppa God to couple me with the one He is preparing me for and for me.Please share it with your readers and other members of Caffe if you feel it fits.

    On His Plan For Your Mate

    Everyone longs to give themselves to someone, to have a deep soul
    relationship with another, to be loved completely and exclusively.

    God says, “No. Not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with living with Me alone. I lone you my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship I have planed for you. You will never be satisfied united with another until your are united with Me…exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires of longings. I want you t stop planning, stop wishing and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing…one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the very best. Please allow Me to bring it to you. Just keep your eyes on Me , expecting the greatest things…Keep experiencing the satisfaction knowing that “I AM” Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must be patient and wait. Don’t be anxious…don’t worry.. don’t look around at the things at the things others have gotten or that I’ve given to them. Don’t look at the things you think you want. Just keep looking at me or you will miss what I want to give to you. And then when you are ready, I sill surprise you with a love more far more wonderful than you could ever dream of.

    You se; Until you are ready and until the one I am preparing for you is ready, I am working even this very minute to have both of you ready at the same time. Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me and that is perfect love.

    And dear one I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me; And, to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection united together with Me and the one I have for you!

    I Am God Almighty…Believe and Be satisfied.

    David A. Hodges, aka:
    WantRealLove648

    1. Wow, this post really spoke to me. Abba Father is molding me to become a better person, likewise my other half. Thank you again!

    2. well said Mr. Hodges. Those words are so true. I will keep this as a reminder before getting in another relationship. Thanks again.

  2. Thank you Dr.Jim, This confirms what I have believed all along, although it still doesn’t explain why God brings someone into your life only for that person to disappear from your life. As an example someone sought me out on a different dating site, we agreed (I thought) we would be friends and email, talk and see each other casually without expectations and see and talk to others too. After about 6 months I got an email subject “us” saying he wasn’t ready for anything serious or for us as a couple, then no more emails or contact- end of story. It caught me by surprise because I didn’t think we were at the “us” stage and I thought we had decided from the beginning that we were friends. So I think it left me more hurt than if we had already been in a “relationship”… Can’t figure this one out. Why does God bring someone into a life only for the person to just disappear? So I just lean on the Lord and pray and knowing that my idea of God’s perfect plan in his perfect time is right all along. Thank you for the confirmation that my idea is right. Judy

  3. Thanks Jim. I got involved with a man who was full of scripture and there has been plus sides to the dating relationship. But the negative sides have upset my well-being. From your advice, I agree with giving the relationship TIME TO MATURE. I was just so happy to find a person like him after 15 years of being single again that I jumped in kind of head over heals. I would like to still be friends with this man but one of the issues is he don’t like to accept boundaries set by others. I’m almost feeling because of our past that he might have trouble just being a friend now. Pray that a righteous non-abusive man will come my way when the time is right. I’m being advised that I need to take a few years to really find myself. Within the last week, I’ve already made progress toward that. I hope to read more of your writings later. God bless your ministry. Dee

  4. I would like to read more of your articles. If possible please send them to my email. I will be so grateful. Thanks

    1. Hi there, we do not send emails with our articles, the point is for you to come to our blog and read about our posts. Have a great day!

  5. Yeah this spoke to me personally. Im struggling with the fact that i became attracted to this women who has a heart for God and wants others to experience God themselves. She sings and plays the piano. We have quite a few similarities and passions. We are both wanting more of God. I really liked her because of her passion for God and i started feeling head over heals for her. A month ago i prayed everyday that Gods will be done and not mine, as i was praying and in worship i felt an impression on my heart that im to wait and give it to God about her for a later time. I asked her out and later she said shes not ready right now, that she needs to be closer to God, but she thanked me for being interested in her. Idk what she meant by that but ive been really struggling with this because verything ive been praying for in a wlGodly ive seen in her. Idk if i should just give up on her completely or god deeper into God and see where he wwnts me to go from here. If u could, can u email me at reachfortheskiesinlife@gmail.com

  6. Thank you for your post. I agree. I was wondering what your thoughts were on if a relationship moved too fast, can you go back, start over, have a second chance?

  7. I do not believe God brings people together for the purpose of marriage. If he did, there would be no divorce. We all choose the partner we are with; God has nothing to do with it. Just like I chose my ex-wife; she divorced me years ago. God plainly states in Malachi that he hates divorce, so why would he bring together people, knowing its gonna wind up in a divorce. God takes marriage very seriously, but God does not arrange them.

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