Dating a non Christian

Dating a non Christian
Dating a non-Christian

What does the Bible say and what does God want from us, when some Christians are having a hard time connecting with other believers?

Dear Jim: Is it okay to date a non Christian if I am not finding any Christians?

Life is difficult at times – and older Christian singles often come to a point that they believe there is not a Christian mate for them. Someone comes into their life that is very strong morally and they begin to question whether or not they should go ahead and date this person.

Here are some points for you to consider if you are at such a point:

  • It is very sad, but there are many unbelievers that are stronger morally than many Christians. They are good citizens, caring for those around them, and willing to give sacrificially. However, to begin a relationship with them is akin to dating from another culture.
  • God led Paul to write in 2 Corinthians 6:14 ‘Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers:’ Although it can be applied to many relationships, it is commonly accepted that Paul was speaking mostly to marrying a non Christian. God, the one who wants the best for us, is very clear in His instruction.
  • Unequally yoked‘ came from the application in Biblical days of putting two oxen together in the same yoke – that were very different. I see the picture of a big oxen being yoked to a small one and see them plowing around in a circle!
  • Although we should only be considering Christians who are ‘morally’ strong, morals is not the real essence at stake in this consideration. God is saying that I want to ‘bless’ your relationship – from the start and through the years. Think about it – if you marry an unbeliever – this person is saying that they do not believe this is an important element in your marriage. Marriage is about finding and building compatibilities – and this is a major area where it cannot be done.
  • We are called to be witnesses to all men/women (Matthew 28). This instruction from Jesus means that we are charged with telling the Story of Jesus to all – and being a witness to them. Some are tempted to take this to mean that we are to date a non Christian and use themselves as examples to bring them to Christ. This is a misapplication of the Word of God. ‘Dating’ implies the desire to lead to marriage. To date a non Christian can often find the unbeliever doing and saying what is necessary in order to marry the Believer. But guess what happens after the wedding and time begins to settle into the marriage? The unbeliever has not really been changed by God’s Spirit and will turn and fight the very thought of honoring God in the relationship.

I encourage you to keep your focus on God and invite His direction in all your relationships. Do be friends with unbelievers and use the friendship (as you are led by His Spirit) to share the love, joy, and peace you find in being a Christian. Ask God to use you to bring them to Christ. However, do not cross the line. Leave it up to God to do the ‘saving’. If God uses you (or someone else) to bring them to Him, THEN and only then can you give consideration to entering into a deeper relationship. May God guide you and grant you wisdom in your journey.

Jim





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5 comments on “Dating a non ChristianAdd yours →

  1. It’s encouraging. Good advise indeed. We Christians try to accommodate a non believer as a spouse thinking they will be saved through us and through our conduct. But it’s not our job to force someone to change but we can only influence them. People change if they realize that there is a need to change. It’s a challenging world we live in. I pray that may believers not be weary on waiting for God to present them with another believing spouse. Be strong and courageous.

  2. No, it’s not “ok”, but it’s a temptation at times.

    When you see christians acting like the world, your mind starts to rationalize. When christian men see women acting like feminists, and are no different than other women, one starts to rationalize that it’s ok to start dating unbelievers, after all, they aren’t different, arent’ they?

    When christian women start getting impatient, or become too picky, and can’t find someone, then you start thinking of pairing with an unbeliever. But that’s not what God commands us to do.

    We must remind ourselves that God wants us to have a godly believer. An unbeliever may turn out to be a judgement from God upon us, if we choose to seek unbelievers.

    If you are under this temptation, it is far better for you, for me, and for any other christian, to rather stay single, than have such a condemnation upon us. I hope I also heed the words of my own mouth. There can be more contentment in being single, than in being with an unbeliever for the rest of our lives. That’s like hell on earth. It’s not good.

  3. What about “marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled, ” and “it is better to marry than to burn,” and to avoid fornication let every man have his own wife and every woman her own husband” ?
    And if this person will go to sunday school, church service, bible studies every week for over a year, and otherwise pray and sing hymns and study the word in the home if you ask them, and got baptised in water. Further as a background this person went to church camp and other activities thanks to a neighbor for a couple of years as a child?
    Is this person an unequal? What makes someone in an equal yoke. Is there only one yoke ?

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